An Open Letter to High Achievers Struggling with Body Image and Binge Eating

Hey, there are high achievers, high performers, and perfectionists in California, New York, etc., who struggle with body image and binge eating. I’m talking directly to you. I, too, am a perfectionist, I’m a high achiever and a high performer. I’ve also felt stuck in the binge eating cycle and wrestled with negative body image. It sucks to be amazing in every area of your life except for food, eating, and body image. You are so effective at what you do that it’s difficult not to be able to figure this darn thing out. That’s why I’m writing this letter to you. I want to give you a path outta here. I want to give you hope.

What Binge Eating Does for High Achievers

Your life is hectic, I get it. You have many demands on your time. Family, friends, and work colleagues are pulling you in a hundred different directions. It’s hard to find time to just sit and breathe for a few minutes, much less join a program for binge eating recovery. When you get to the end of your day, you’re exhausted. You’ve given to everyone. You want a slice of time just for yourself. You turn on mindless tv, grab food, and start eating. Your shoulders finally drop. The voices in your head scrolling your to-do list fade away. Numbness washes over you. Minutes or hours later, your stomach feels uncomfortable and in pain. You shake your head as if you’re waking from a dream, and realize what you’ve eaten. Guilt and shame hit you like a tsunami. You’ve can’t believe you’ve done it again, and you grit your teeth in resolve. It’ll be better next time. You’ll eat less tomorrow. You wake up the next morning. The same cycle begins.

The Struggle Is Real

Regardless of your secret angst, society minimizes the suffering people can have with food, eating, and body image. I used to think that I was the problem. Everyone else ate fine. Why couldn’t I? I just needed to find a way that worked, and I’d be good to go. The reality is that binge eating is disordered eating behavior. It’s really hard. It’s isolating. There’s so much shame that sometimes you may get rid of it afterward. Listen, you’re SUFFERING. Just “sucking it up” isn’t going to cut it. Showing self-compassion and validating your emotional experience is essential to moving forward in recovery. Let’s name what you have—you binge eat. You may even have a binge eating disorder. It sucks. A lot.

It’s Not Your Fault

I get it. You’re so capable and intelligent that you think that there must be something wrong with you that you haven’t discovered the solution. You have tried diet after diet, meal plan after meal plan, and fitness program after fitness program. Nothing works. I’ve totally been there. I can’t even count how many programs I’ve been on, diets I’ve tried, and medical providers I’ve consulted. I’ve restricted food, over-exercised, and body-checked my way into insanity. I felt like an utter failure. When I realized that I actually had an eating disorder, I was weirdly both overwhelmed and relieved.

There was actually a name for these issues. I learned that disordered eating and eating disorders aren’t about willpower, they are brain disorders. I was biologically predisposed (and environmentally triggered) to develop these behaviors. It takes professional assistance to overcome them. I realized I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t a failure. I just needed help.

There Are Options

When I was deep into my eating disorder in the 1980s, 1990s, and even in the early 2000s, there weren’t a lot of options. There either weren’t eating disorder therapists available, or the ones who said they treated eating disorders weren’t very good. Any “program” to treat eating disorders was really dieted in disguise. I also didn’t fit the typical profile of someone with an eating disorder. It wasn’t quite an anorexia. It wasn’t really bulimia. It wasn’t until I moved to San Diego, California that I was able to find an eating disorder therapist and a disordered eating support group. I then got recovered. I created a new life for myself (and boy is it AWESOME!).

I eventually became an eating disorder therapist myself, and in my 1000s of hours of eating disorder training and experience (see, high achieving lol), I quickly learned that there are now options for binge eating recovery help. I’ve provided binge eating therapy to 100s of clients over the past 10 years. I’ve designed virtual, live binge eating classes and have a free binge eating workshop and a new 3-month binge recovery program coming in November of 2022. Whether you work with me or someone else, make sure that they are a licensed eating disorder professional who has years and 1000s of hours of training and experience. Your time is valuable. You want to spend it on therapy or a program that really works.

There is Hope

I get this pattern. I lived it. I thought I would never recover. I felt as though binge eating was the only relief I got from the insane pressures of my life. When I reached out for qualified help, bit by bit, my body began unclenching from its tight ball of shame. I began breathing. I started managing stress better. I lowered unrealistic expectations of my performance. I embraced self-compassion. I still rocked at what I did at work and in my relationships, don’t get me wrong. I just did them with 1/2 the pressure. I learned to reach out for support and self-soothe. I recovered. You can too.

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Begin Working with A Binge Eating Therapist Through A FREE, 5-Day, Live Interactive Workshop and Masterclass for Binge Eating, or Via Online Therapy in California!

🦋 Sign up for my FREE Masterclass: ULTIMATE BINGE BUSTERS. It’s a live, virtual, 5-day seminar from 9a-10a PST (12-1p EST) from November 7th to 11th. It’s an interactive workshop for binge eating online, and it will address both binge eating disorder (BED) and bulimia.

🦋 Watch my Instagram LIVES on Thursdays from 12-1p PST (3-4p EST) . I have conversations with professionals such as eating disorder dietitians and therapists on many topics, such as binge eating, BED, bulimia, body image, etc. Subscribe to my Instagram @drmariannemiller, and you’ll get bulimia and BED info sent to your phone with my reels, posts, etc.

🦋 Join my LinkedIn LIVES, “Eating Disorder Tuesday Talks with Dr. Marianne Miller,” from 12p-12:15p PST (3-3:15p EST). In these short videos, I’ll share one Takeaway Tip and answer questions from readers like you! Connect with me on LinkedIn, and you’ll receive up-to-date eating disorder information, especially on bulimia and binge eating.

🦋If you live in California, you can work with me in therapy!