Childhood Trauma and Eating Disorders

Being in California or anywhere else in the world while struggling with an eating disorder really, really sucks. It is especially difficult when you’ve experienced childhood trauma. No matter what your trauma was, or how long it lasted, its effects often carry into adulthood and can manifest through eating disorder behaviors. In this blog post, I’ll not only explore what childhood trauma means, I’ll also identify signs that you’re experiencing a trauma response, and how your eating disorder may have served as a protective (yes, I said protective) mechanism for you over the years.

What Does Childhood Trauma Mean?

Often when people hear the word trauma, they think something a combat veteran has experienced, or something horrific a victim goes through on the longstanding (long-suffering?) TV show Criminal Minds. What many folks don’t realize is that trauma can mean different things to different people. For some, it may mean that they had to endure domestic violence or sexual abuse. For others, it may mean that they didn’t receive love, affection, or something as simple as hugs from their caregivers.

According to evolutionary psychology and attachment theory, when we are born, we must cling to our caregivers in order to survive. If babies are separated from caregivers, they die. For survival, babies must form attachments to caregivers. These attachment relationships can vary in how safe, secure, and protected babies and children feel. There are various types of attachment styles of child-caregiver relationships. These attachment styles differ in degree of safety and security a child feels in the relationship. If caregivers are abusive, neglectful, invalidating, or if they withhold affection, then a child can feel uncertain as to the stability of the relationship.

At the same time, the child must depend on the caregiver for survival, which can place the child in a no-win situation. When the very person or people upon whom the child depends becomes the very person or people who causes them harm, it can lead to sustained trauma.

Trauma also can result from lived experiences outside the home. Bullying, shunning, stalking (yes, it happens to minors), manipulative friendships and romances—all can contribute to causing people to feel unsafe.

People of oppressed and marginalized groups are especially at risk to experiencing trauma, given systematic racism, misogyny, anti-fatness, straight-and-cis-privilege, ablism, etc. When the very systems in society that are supposed to protect you and help you survive this world actually harm (and kill) you and the ones you love, you’re going to develop some serious trauma responses.

Signs You’re Experiencing a Trauma Response

There are three common types of trauma responses that I see in my work with eating disorders and childhood trauma: hypervigilance, dissociation, and flashbacks. (Side note—There are many more characteristics of trauma that what I’m sharing here; trauma is very complex. I’m just giving you the boiled-down version of what I see in my practice with clients struggling with eating disorders and childhood trauma.)

The classic example of hypervigilance is when a combat veteran comes home from war, and they are swiveling their heads, looking for the enemy, and when they hear a car backfire, they’re on the ground, convinced that it was a gunshot. Hypervigilance can look more subtle than that. It is a heightened awareness of the world around you. It means that you are constantly looking for threats, whether the threats may be a car swerving into you on the highway, or a PTA mom saying something nasty behind your back.

Hypervigilance results from having a hyper-aroused nervous system. It can result when you’ve grown up in toxic families and social systems in which you can’t ever feel completely safe. You struggle to relax completely. You always feel a little (or a lot) on edge. Your nervous system is so revved up that it’s ready to floor it at the first sign of trouble (think Fast and Furious car engines, and you’ve got it).

Dissociation occurs when you kinda space out, or it feels as though your mind checks out from what you’re doing. There are two types of dissociation, depersonalization and derealization. Depersonalization is when you feel detached from yourself, almost as if you’re outside your body. Derealization is when things don’t feel real around you (even in your body). It’s like you’re moving through fog or gelatinous goo.

Flashbacks are when your brain and nervous system take you right back to when you were experiencing the childhood trauma. Sometimes a certain scent or a song can send you back. It can also happen when you hear or read a disturbing piece of news that reminds you so much of what you endured that you feel like you are there, with the bullies, with the perpetrator, in the car accident. In the famous book, “The Body Keeps The Score,” author Dr. Bessel van der Kolk discussed how our bodies never really forget the trauma we experienced, even if our minds can’t remember it. It means that we have physiological responses that are like memories. Sometimes even the act of eating a particular food or eating in a certain situation can trigger a flashback.

How Eating Disorders Come into Play

I often get eyerolls when I say that eating disorders are protective. My clients say, “Come on, Dr. Miller, I know that my eating disorder is hurting me. How can it have helped me in any way, shape, or form?” I then explain to my clients about attachment and evolutionary theory and how the eating disorder behaviors have served as a buffer between them and the people or systems who have harmed them.

It all goes back to survival. Your primary job is to survive. In order to survive as a child, you will do whatever it takes to stay connected to the people who will help you survive—even if those people are hurting you. For people who have a genetic predisposition to develop an eating disorder, they’ll develop eating disorder behaviors as coping mechanisms to deal with the severe dissonance of having to interact with and depend on people and systems who hurt them. Being preoccupied with food, eating, and body image is also protective. If you’re focused on those things, you aren’t thinking about how much these people or systems are harming you.

What To Do Next

My first tip is to notice when you are experiencing trauma responses and validate the thoughts and emotions that come up for you during that time. Showing yourself a lot of compassion helps. I know it sounds cheesy, but giving yourself a hug, wrapping yourself in a soft blanket, or even stroking your arm can soothe you and help ground you in the present moment. My second tip is to consider talking to an eating disorder therapist who also specializes in trauma. You want to ensure that the psychotherapist is competent in both areas, as eating disorders and trauma are each quite complex, and when they intersect, even more complicated. You deserve experts who really know what they are doing.

In my upcoming Freedom From Binge Eating class, I’ll have guest speaker Dr. Danielle Hiestand, LMFT, talk about trauma; specifically, disassociation and how it intersects with binge eating. Danielle is an eating disorder and trauma expert who has taught me a lot over the years. I hope you are able to join this class and hear her speak.

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Hey everyone, I really appreciate you reading my blog!  Have a wonderful day. :)  

Marianne 

If you want to take the next step toward eating disorder recovery and find out more about eating disorder treatment, ARFID, bulimia, binge eating or other eating disorders in San Diego, check out the resources on my website, including previous blog posts and my guest-speaking gigs on podcasts.

REGISTER NOW! My live, virtual, 5-week class called Freedom From Binge Eating*. Registration deadline is Friday, July 8th, and it begins Tuesday, July 12th.

You can find more information about me on Instagram @drmariannemiller, on my Facebook page, or on Twitter. 

*Disclaimer: This class is not therapy and should not replace professional eating disorder/binge eating treatment or medical advice. This educational group is for learning, discussion, and encouraging connection.