Having an Eating Disorder and Teaching Your Kids How to Eat Intuitively: Hear from San Diego Dietitian Jaren Soloff, RD

Being a parent with an eating disorder in California or elsewhere is difficult. Figuring out how to teach your kids to eat intuitively while grappling with your own issues with food and eating is complex. Enter San Diego eating disorder dietitian Jaren Soloff, RD. She is passionate about helping parents with their eating struggles while raising intuitive eaters. A parent herself, she truly believes that the parallel process of recovering and raising eating disorder-resistant kids is possible!

How long have you been an eating disorder dietitian in San Diego, California?

I started working in eating disorder treatment as a diet tech at a local treatment center in La Jolla when I was still studying nutrition as an undergraduate! From there I landed my first job at a treatment center and continued to work in different levels of care then into private practice. I’ve been a part of the San Diego eating disorder community for 7 years now.

Your passion right now is helping San Diego parents in eating disorder treatment raise kids who are intuitive eaters. How did you find this passion?

Healing from an eating disorder was part of my path to seeking out supporting others in their recovery journies. When I became pregnant with my daughter I recognized how critical it was for me to be grounded in my own eating disorder recovery and healing to protect her from suffering the way I did. As a new mom and dietitian, I loved feeding my little one and admired how incredible it was that babies and toddlers were the perfect models of intuitive eating. My practice name “full crcl” is all about supporting parents in navigating their own healing with food and body full circle so that they are fully attuned and present in their relationship with their children.

What is especially difficult for parents with eating disorders to teach their children to be intuitive eaters?

One of the critical roles as parents that we have is modeling for our children. It can be incredibly difficult if you as a parent have a difficult relationship with food. Kids have this incredible ability to see right through us- and even if we say it (“sugar isn’t bad for you!”) our kids can FEEL our truest beliefs and thoughts on a visceral level (or notice we never keep it in the house, make negative comments when we eat it etc). I also notice that many parents who struggle with eating disorders or disordered eating struggle to be fully attuned to their children. One of the things we know is how much “brain space” eating disorders occupy. This mental chatter and obsession can make it so difficult to tune into your child's needs if you are calculating your food for the day or finding yourself irritable from missing a workout session.

What happens in your first appointment with a parent in this situation?

All of my initial sessions include a 3-step process where we pulse through an individual's history which can include their life experiences of food and body image, their current day to day life and relationship with food and finally a time for vision setting. Vision setting is where we hold the picture of what goals we would like to work towards together and discuss first steps to move towards this. I love initial sessions where I can learn more about an individuals or family history and give them hope for a path forward.

What does your treatment process look like?

After our initial session I typically recommend weekly or biweekly sessions for at least 10-12 sessions, sometimes more depending on individual needs. In between sessions I may ask for families or individuals to keep a food diary to help me gain a picture of their current patterns, thoughts and feelings through the day. This type of “data” is incredible in helping us to build awareness, insight and then to process what change might look and feel like. I do follow a model of nutrition therapy where I support clients in making connections between food and eating patterns and thoughts and feelings- there is so much more going on beyond the food! I love utilizing “parts” work (known as Internal Family Systems, IFS) training into my sessions as well as polyvagal theory and trauma informed approaches. Infusing these different skills into sessions is where the real work and healing comes from.

How do parents know when they need help with raising kids who are intuitive eaters?

You can reach out at any point during your child's development for support in this process but I have found that many parents need help in looking at their own relationship with food when their children become school age. I’ve noticed (and observed with my own experience) that at this age our children start to encounter food outside of our control- whether at school, playdates, camps etc. For someone in recovery or with eating concerns, this can feel so scary to not have as much control over their child's diet throughout the day. It can be helpful to get support at this time to avoid interfering with the child's innate ability to trust themselves. As puberty sets in, and bodies begin to change, it can be difficult for parents to manage their own emotional reactions around weight and body so this is an ideal time as well.

What do you wish parents knew about having kids and intuitive eating?

I believe that our kids can be wonderful mirrors of what we need to continue to heal in our own experience with food and body image. Oftentimes, I see well meaning parents who are terrified of their child being subject to any weight or food shame and thus they attempt to try to help them “control” their eating. As we now know- this can be counterproductive and can continue the cycle of generational food and body shame. If your children trigger you or bring up your own eating and weight concerns- this is a beautiful awareness of a part of you that likely still needs love and healing. Integrating in your own intuitive eating journey can be one of the most incredible gifts to offer your children to reach their fullest self.

How can people reach out and contact you, as well as follow your content?

I’d love to connect with you! My website is: www.fullcrcl.co and my social page is @fullcrcl_ :) One of the unique aspects of my practice is that I have additional training as a lactation specialist, this means I know how to help support feeding from the very beginning! My practice supports parents in navigating feeding from the very beginning, from birth and beyond.

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Thanks so much for reading my blog, everyone!

Dr. Marianne :)

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