Addressing Parents' Needs When Their Child Has an Eating or Feeding Disorder by San Diego Dietitian Lindsay Stenovec, RD

You’re at the dinner table in San Diego, California, or elsewhere, trying to get your kid to eat. They say the food looks funny or smells weird, and they just won’t take one bite. You feel worried that they aren’t getting adequate nourishment. The pediatrician tells you that they are losing weight. You are chewing your nails to the quick. You don’t know what to do. Enter eating disorder dietitian and feeding expert Lindsay Stenovec, MS, RD, owner of Nutrition Instincts. Lindsay knows parents. She is a parent herself. She gets the struggle. She knows how to nourish kids who have feeding or eating disorders in California. She supports parents on this journey. Let’s hear what she has to say.

How long have you been an eating disorder dietitian in San Diego, California?

I’ve been an eating disorder dietitian for over 13 years. I’ve worked at PHP/IOP levels of care for teens and adults and have my private practice Nutrition Instincts, Inc.

One of your passions is helping parents in San Diego who have children with eating disorders. What is especially difficult for parents with kids in eating disorder treatment?

It’s incredibly difficult to watch your child suffer, especially with an illness that often pushes back against help and affects an activity we do all day long—eating. When I was a new registered dietitian, I remember being advised to tell parents of kids with eating disorders that they “know how to feed their kids.” The intention was to empower the parent, and I think for some families this statement and encouragement is absolutely empowering. In contrast, I’ve heard from many parents that they need more than simple instructions to feed their kids more food. 

Feeding a family can be hard and stressful even under typical circumstances. Add in a sibling who is also struggling with food, and the entire family unit can begin to have a hard time at meals. Taking this a step further, the parent’s own ability to eat and care for themselves is greatly affected. The more we learn about the nervous system, digestion and polyvagal theory the more we know that parents need time, attention and support as they navigate the recovery process beyond the “what” part of feeding. Think of it this way—if you’re being chased by a tiger, your body isn’t wondering what’s for lunch. If your child is being chased by a tiger, your awareness of your own needs are completely off the table (pun intended). In addition, some parents may have a current or history of disordered eating that can worsen under stressful times, which requires special attention and care as well.

What happens in your first appointment with a parent whose child has an eating disorder?

We now require parent-only, initial assessments for almost all of our teens/young adults in our care. We also do regular, parent-only follow ups. This system allows us to give parents time to process and ask questions without worrying about triggering their child and be present as a primary team member in the recovery process. We also invite parents to share their own experiences. What we’re noticing as a team is that some parents would benefit from a separate space to process how supporting their child with recovery affects their own lives and eating experiences. It also provides support for feeding the entire family. To ease the time and financial burden and increase access, we hope to offer this support in a low-cost group setting (and bill insurance for in-network plans).

What does your treatment process look like?

As an option, we’re planning to offer parent-focused support sessions (groups coming soon) for parents. We’re wanting to name and hold space for just how stressful it can be to care for one’s self while caring for an ill child. Most of the parents we’re working with also have other children. They’re trying to navigate feeding their entire families so even the grocery shopping and food prep experience can be very overwhelming. It’s not uncommon for parents to forget to eat, have trouble finishing a meal because of anxiety over something happening at the table, experience uncomfortable digestive issues, or feel they’ve lost touch with their own pleasure with eating. 

How do parents know when they need help with their own nutrition issues if their kids are in eating disorder treatment?

If the entire family is coming to the table or kitchen stressed, that means digestive systems and executive functioning may be harder to keep “online.” If parents are feeling ill at the table, having trouble eating, experiencing digestive issues, or finding themselves dreading food those are somes signs they may need some support. These are all typical experiences of trying to eat despite being in a stress response. Of course, should parents notice new or returning disordered patterns or thoughts about food that are concerning, I would also encourage them to speak up and get support. Whether they’re experiencing their own eating disorder or the effects of stress on their system, it’s not their fault, they’re not alone and we want to do everything we can to reduce the shame they may feel. 

What do you wish parents knew about having kids in eating disorder recovery?

That they deserve and need support too. I know with all of the appointments they’re attending for their kids, this statement can feel out of touch and overwhelming. If a parent is reading this and feeling that way, I want to send them so much compassion for the difficult time they are in. If seeing a dietitian or therapist isn’t realistic right now, I invite them to explore some simple ways to care for their systems in the meantime. Some examples are making sure to eat some meals alone, scheduling a walk with a good friend, joining an eating disorder parent support group, or creating a breathing exercise to do at the dinner table to ground themselves in the present moment. 

How can people reach out and contact you, as well as follow your content?

We can be found at www.nutritioninstincts.com. We can also be found on instagram - @nutritioninstincts . If parents are interested in our upcoming parent support services they can join our newsletter to get updates!

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