What’s the connection between Perfectionism and Disordered Eating? A therapist weighs in.

If you struggle with disordered eating, it’s likely that you have the perfectionism trait. Something about being a high achiever correlates with eating and body image issues. Is it your fault? No. Whether you live in San Diego, Atlanta, Chicago, Denver, NYC, or anywhere else in the world, it’s likely that you are killing it in every area of your life, yet you still struggle with food. I’m going to share my story about the connection between perfectionism and disordered eating to show how I learned how to manage both. I hope it helps you, too.

Aiming for the Top on Day One

I was a high achiever as young as I can remember. It was mostly in academics (shocker). It also appeared in drama, music, sports, and everything I did. I believe perfectionism was a big part of my family culture. I wouldn’t be surprised if, 50 years from now, researchers found a “perfectionism gene” that’s passed on from generation to generation. In England, where my Dad is from, society is more class-based when compared to the United States. My grandmother was in service (“below stairs” for those of you Downton Abbey fans). My Dad educated himself out of his class, moved to the U.S., and landed an amazing career. Did the same pressure exist for me? Sure. Is there something inherent in me that aims for the top? Oh yeah.

Perfectionism intersected with disordered eating in elementary school when I began engaging in restricting behavior. I had learned that thin = excellence (plus thin = no criticism or bullying), so I did everything I could to get there. I probably had gone on at least 6-7 diets by the time I went to middle school.

Juggling Too Many Balls

Another trait of perfectionism is to do as many things as possible and to expect yourself to do them exceedingly well. In high school in Colorado, that meant that I was juggling so many balls that it affected my mental health. From plays to competitive drama, to color guard, to youth group, to a part-time job, to AP and honors classes. I was exhausted. Then I hit a wall and cried uncontrollably, so I had to drop out of some things. Then the guilt hangover ensued. So I would put activities back on my plate. The same cycle kept repeating, even throughout my undergraduate degree.

I see similar patterns in many California teens I treat for eating disorders. They are highly intelligent, extremely capable individuals. Their schedules are jam-packed and they barely have time to breathe, let alone come to therapy. There’s a little FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) there. The fear of not doing enough, not being enough, and not meeting enough people is so real. Disordered eating comes into play when teens (and adults) have depleted resources from pushing themselves so hard. They hit the end of the day and have nothing left, so they binge eat to feel like they’ve given themselves some treat or reward. On the flip side, the drive to feel perfect can lead to restricting food because they fear not being thin enough. Either way, most people with disordered eating behaviors are undernourished. The more undernourished the brain, the stronger the feeling that they’re not good enough.

Striving for Balance

I think I’ll spend the rest of my life striving for balance. I’m okay with that. I’ve practiced radical acceptance enough that I know perfectionism is part of my makeup. There are amazing things about it ‘cuz I get stuff done and do premium-level work for my clients. There are also challenges. Most days, I know that I am enough and that I do enough. Now and then, I feel that drive to do more and more. In those circumstances, I have to place external boundaries (stop working at a certain time, spend time resting) and let my higher power take care of the rest. You see, perfectionism is a bottomless pit. According to that perfectionist mindset, you can never do enough or have enough or be enough. So knowing when “enough is enough” can help you stop and drag yourself out of the pit.

Eating Disorder Help is here!

When it comes to disordered eating and aiming for balance, being a high achiever can help you. If you take the skills of being a high achiever (the ability to hyperfocus, going above and beyond what’s required), and you direct them toward your eating disorder recovery, you can build a life worth living. For some of my perfectionist teens and adult clients, I tell them that regularly eating (mechanically) throughout the day and moving forward in their recovery will help them be more efficient and effective in their work! They typically give me a wry look; then they do it. Over time, their brain becomes thoroughly nourished. They finish things more quickly and add balance (and some fun) into their lives!

You can start working with a skilled binge-eating program in Florida for support today.

⛄️ Sign up for the ELITE BINGE EATING RECOVERY METHOD*. It’s 3-month, online binge-eating coaching + an online class for professionals, students, athletes, and all-around high achievers who want to gain balance and control of food.

⛄️ Watch my Instagram LIVES on Thursdays from 12-1p PST (3-4p EST) . I have conversations with professionals such as eating disorder dietitians and therapists on many topics, such as binge eating, BED, bulimia, body image, etc. Subscribe to my Instagram @drmariannemiller, and you’ll get bulimia and BED info sent to your phone with my reels, posts, etc.

⛄️ Check out my “Eating Disorder Tuesday Talks with Dr. Marianne Miller” on LinkedIn and Facebook from 12p-12:15p PST (3-3:15p EST). In these short videos, I’ll discuss all things eating disorders! Connect with me on LinkedIn and Facebook, and you’ll get up-to-date eating disorder information, especially on binge eating and binge/purge behaviors.

*The ELITE BINGE EATING RECOVERY METHOD is virtual binge eating education and coaching support. This program aims to help people stop any type of distressed eating, such as binge eating or binge/purge behaviors via education, behavioral changes, and mindset shifts. The ELITE BINGE EATING RECOVERY METHOD is not a clinical eating disorder therapy or eating disorder treatment programs and is not intended to serve as such. In them, Dr. Marianne Miller works from her role as a binge-eating coach, not as a binge-eating therapist.