Hitting an Emotional Wall? Three Strategies on How to Scale It

Having an especially hard time?

Feeling more tired as the time in quarantine increases? Grappling with the uncertainty of the future? We all are struggling. Whether it’s the conflicting messages in the news or the uncertainty about the future of your job or school, life really sucks right now.

Those with eating disorders in San Diego or elsewhere are especially vulnerable, as your symptoms around food and eating may be really flaring up. It’s like we are all hitting an emotional wall, and we feel trapped and don’t know what to do. Here are three strategies on how to scale it, taken from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

Strategy #1: Ride the Wave of Emotion

Emotions likely feel really big at the moment. Almost like a wave is crashing over you.  It’s overwhelming. Instead of letting the wave drown you or sweep you off to sea, learn how to surf on top of it so that you can arrive safely to shore and watch as the water dissipates on the soft San Diego sand. In order to do that, you first need to acknowledge what you’re feeling.

When you have overwhelming emotions, you may not even be able to identify what you’re feeling. Journaling about it can be helpful, as it gets the thoughts swirling around in your head down on paper or even on the notes app on your phone. Another option is to use an app such as the one by Recovery Warriors, L.L.C. It not only lets you rank each emotion on a 1-5 scale (with cute smiley face emojis!), it also provides self-care tips that help you practice mindfulness and deal with frustrations about body image.

After you’ve identified your emotions, visualize them rising up inside you like the peak of a wave, then curving downward and crashing onto the beach. You’re riding on top of them, acknowledging that they are there and not letting them overtake you.

Strategy #2:  Practice Radical Acceptance

I read a lot of novels for my own self-care. I lately have been reading more historical fiction that takes place in World War I. During that time, many of our ancestors not only had to deal with brutal fighting conditions, such as trench warfare and nerve gas, but they also faced the Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918. It killed approximately 675,000 Americans and 20-50 million people worldwide.

Why I’m bringing up the Spanish Flu is because people back them quarantined, practiced social distancing, and didn’t gather in large groups. When they had a second, deadlier wave of the virus in the fall of 1918, they had to do similar things. Many people got really, really sick. Hundreds of thousands of Americans died.

I’m not sharing those things to depress you. I’m highlighting that, despite the horror, the American people survived it. The country got through this horrible epidemic AND a world war. Awful? You bet. Filled with much suffering? Absolutely. And there was nothing that they could do about it. Many of our ancestors bravely put one foot in front of the other and kept going, kept surviving, no matter what.

When you have an eating disorder in San Diego and in other places, it often feels as though you can’t get through one more day. It’s lonely, scary, and overwhelming. I get it.

Radically accepting that yes, we are suffering, and yes, it’s unfair and it really sucks, not only validates our emotions, it keeps us from drowning in them.

Strategy #3: Do the Opposite Action

When we feel overwhelmed, it’s easy to curl up in a ball in bed and pull the covers over our heads. Life seems too hard, so we escape in too much sleep, and even too much or too little food.

We may overuse Netflix, Disney+, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, etc. It’s fine to use those things for distraction and entertainment—it’s not so great to use them to avoid feeling your feelings or to avoid doing something that you don’t want to do.

When you find yourself withdrawing and avoiding, do the opposite action. For instance, when you don’t feel like taking a shower, then do the exact opposite and take the darn shower! When you don’t feel like reaching out to others and it’s been a few days since you have, reach out to them.

If you’re suffering from an eating disorder, doing the opposite action means that when you feel like engaging in the behavior, then do the exact opposite behavior. For example, if you feel like restricting yourself, follow your meal plan or talk to your eating disorder dietitian. If you feel like binging, do some journaling or other self-soothing.

Whatever you’re facing right now, it may feel as though you’re alone. Doing the opposite action in this instance means connecting with others—really connecting, not just looking at their Instagram feeds.

Schedule a Zoom coffee date with a friend or family member. Do a FaceTime call while you’re sitting on your porch. It doesn’t matter if your hair looks too long or your roots are showing—it’s likely your friend doesn’t look all that perfect, either.

One Last Thought . . .

I know things are really hard right now. It’s important to validate the grief and loss we are feeling. Life as we knew it before COVID-19 may not return. It’s hard to say.

What we do know is that the intensity of it will pass and that we are resilient. We are learning about ourselves in the face of this tragic and scary time—learning more than we would have known without going through it. It is walking through the dark valleys that help us build up the strength to climb mountains.

As we move forward into this uncertain future, remember that this strength will not dissipate. We will continue to build on it and become stronger than we could have ever imagined.

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Hey everyone, I really appreciate you reading my blog!  Have a wonderful day. :)  

Marianne 

Need Additional Support? Reach out!

If you are struggling to find online eating disorder treatment with help with binge eating or other eating disorders in San Diego, schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation using the online scheduler (just click on the orange button), and I will help you get where you need to be! 

You can find more information about me or my binge eating program on Instagram @drmariannemiller or on my Facebook page. 

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