Breaking the Shame Cycle: Embracing Self-Forgiveness in Binge Eating Recovery
One common characteristic of the binge eating cycle is shame. Whether you’re in San Diego, New York, or London UK, shame is such a tough feeling to experience. When I think of shame, I think of a crippling emotion that causes you to turn inward into yourself. You want to disappear. In order to break the shame cycle in binge eating recovery in San Diego and elsewhere means that you need to embrace self-forgiveness. How? Read on to learn about three steps to get you started.
Step #1: Show Yourself Compassion to Break the Binge Eating Cycle
Self-compassion is a powerful tool. It is the first step toward self-forgiveness because it is a way to break through self-criticism. Self-compassion means being warm, kind, and understanding toward ourselves, especially when we are suffering. When I show compassion toward myself, I often put my hand on my heart and say to myself, “Marianne, it makes sense that you’re having a hard time because of situation X and circumstance Y.”
Think of what you would say to a friend when they are struggling. You likely wouldn’t criticize or judge them, would you? You would instead show them warmth, care, and understanding. Showing yourself the same emotions embodies self-compassion. It is powerful and effective.
Step #2: Embrace Self-Forgiveness for Being a Binge Eater
I’m not a fan of the term “binge eater” because it suggests that binge eater is your identity. The reality is that you’re so much more than this particular behavior. That said, many of you in San Diego and elsewhere may struggle with self-forgiveness because you feel as though you have failed. It’s not true.
There’s no test to show that you’ve failed at eating. In fact, binge eating occurs because of many reasons—especially restricting and diet culture. It’s also likely that you’re genetically predisposed to binge eating, so the reality is that struggling with binge eating is not your fault. So it’s time to lean into forgiveness for this behavior. Take the first step and forgive yourself for something that wasn’t your fault in the first place.
Step #3: You’ve Binged, Now What? Forgive Yourself.
Shame is most intense right after you binge eat. You feel very uncomfortable, sweaty, sad, and ashamed that you’ve eaten a large amount of food. The last thing on your mind is to forgive yourself.
Guess what? Forgiving yourself helps zap shame into oblivion. My clients begin making real progress when they have a binge and are able to show themselves compassion and then forgive themselves by saying, “Oh well, I binged. I know I feel like crap. I also know that the world didn’t end. I forgive myself.” Saying something similar will actually keep you from responding with eating disorder behaviors such as overexercising or restricting. It stops the binge eating cycle!
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Disclaimers for My Work in Body Image, Binge Eating, and My Virtual Online Binge Eating Program
*DR. MARIANNE-LAND’S BINGE EATING RECOVERY MEMBERSHIP PROGRAM is online binge-eating education and private virtual group support via a Facebook Group. The aim of this course is to help people reduce and eliminate any type of distressed eating, such as binge eating or binge/purge behaviors via education, behavioral changes, and mindset shifts. DR. MARIANNE-LAND’S BINGE EATING RECOVERY MEMBERSHIP PROGRAM is not a clinical eating disorder therapy or eating disorder treatment program and is not intended to serve as such. In them, Dr. Marianne Miller works from her role as a binge-eating coach, not as a binge-eating therapist.
**The ELITE BINGE EATING RECOVERY METHOD is virtual binge eating education and LIVE virtual coaching support. The goal of this program is to help people stop any type of distressed eating, such as binge eating or binge/purge behaviors via education, behavioral changes, and mindset shifts. The ELITE BINGE EATING RECOVERY METHOD is not a clinical eating disorder therapy or eating disorder treatment program and is not intended to serve as such. In them, Dr. Marianne Miller works from her role as a binge-eating coach, not as a binge-eating therapist.