My Binge Eating Recovery Story
It’s time to get real, folks. I’m going to talk about how binge eating is part of my eating disorder recovery story and how I overcame binge eating to live a full life in San Diego. It may be a little controversial. And, it may feel a little emotional. However, I’m going to dive in and share anyway because it is so important for me to let you know that you CAN recover from binge eating.
How the Eating Disorder Began
Like many people who suffer from eating disorders, symptoms can shift and change throughout the eating disorder trajectory. I would say that binge eating really came into play when I was in high school. Before that time, there were a lot of restrictive elements that began in elementary school. I had the occasional binge, but I didn’t dive deeply into binge eating until I got my driver’s license at age 16.
Honestly, I Fit the Usual “Teen” Profile
I fit the profile of a “typical” teen who gets an eating disorder—white, high achieving, identified as female, middle-to-upper class, etc. Although we know now that eating disorders exist across all races, cultures, and socioeconomic strata, for many years society considered it a white disease of people who didn’t eat enough.
You see, I didn’t look like I had an eating disorder. Beginning in high school, my weight fluctuated drastically. When I was on a diet and ate restrictively, I felt okay and confident. Even though I didn’t “look sick,” and I still didn’t consider myself very thin. When I was in a binge phase, I felt so much shame and embarrassment. There was no representation of girls and women in fat bodies in media in the late 80s and early 90s. Anti-fatness was not only the norm, it was the only perspective that existed.
Shame Was the Name of the Game
I felt so ashamed that I couldn’t control myself around food. My self-esteem was rock bottom. I had issues with my parents, yet I was a highly compliant child. I would have months of rebellion when binge behavior ran my life, and I felt like crap about how I looked. I would drive to the grocery store and buy my binge foods. Then I would come home, run up to my room, and eat the food as quickly as possible. As I did this, I would say “ha, mom,” because my mom didn’t want me to eat that way.
After The Rebellion
I would switch to compliance mode when I ate restrictively and did what my parents wanted me to do. My body became smaller, and so I thought I was doing the right thing. But I was dying inside. I really felt as though my parents were ashamed of me. Despite my academic prowess, I never felt as though I measured up to their standards. I didn’t feel loved. I felt unworthy and unloveable—by everyone.
Restriction Was Not As Healthy as I Thought
After the binge phases, I would head into a restrictive phase, which I thought was being “good” or “healthy.” Binging felt “bad”—and sometimes immoral. This cycling went on for years until I hit graduate school and I went into a restrictive phase with only the occasional binge. This phase lasted until I injured my back through overexercising, weeks after I graduated with my Ph.D.
The Black Hole of Binge Eating
The back injury was a nightmare (and fodder for another story), and it lasted several years. What it also did was send me into a deep binge spiral because I couldn’t overexercise. Deprived of this eating disorder behavior, I began binging to cope. I binge ate to deal with the pain, to avoid my emotions, and to get some sort of pleasure when I was hurting so much.
Binge eating continued until I moved to San Diego, California for an academic position. I then found an amazing eating disorder therapist. She not only really got the shame that I was experiencing at a visceral level, but she also understood the complexities of how my personality traits impacted this. Plus, we talked about the impact of my low self-esteem, plus my family-of-origin history intersected to perpetuate binge eating behavior.
Seeing the Light
My San Diego eating disorder therapist helped me learn to love myself from within, regulate my emotions, work through some family issues, and manage my stress. A few years later, my binge eating recovery was complete. The mental obsessions were gone. My body checking stopped. The binge eating was in the rearview mirror. I was free.
Life After Binge Eating Recovery in California
After recovery, during my time in academia, I was doing a part-time gig in private practice treating clients with chronic pain. I noticed that many of them had disordered eating issues, so I decided to audit a class at my university on eating disorders. I fell in love. The complexities and nuances of eating disorder treatment in California were right up my alley. Plus, I had lived it. I had found my calling.
Spreading the Reality of Binge Eating Recovery to Others
I got as much eating disorder training as I could from the University of California San Diego Eating Disorders Center, Center For Discovery Eating Disorder Treatment Center, Eating Recovery Center, etc. I devoured books on treating eating disorders. I began seeing eating disorder clients in my private practice. I was on fire!
I eventually left academia to be in private practice treating eating disorders, especially binge eating. Through my 10 years as an eating disorder therapist, I developed a three-part system that I’ve used to help countless teens and adults recover.
Ready to Take The Next Steps in Your Binge Eating Recovery in California, New York, Florida, or Anywhere Nationwide?
Want to Kick Binge Eating to the Curb? Let’s Revamp Your Relationship with Food and Have a Blast Doing It!
Hey there! If binge eating has been a struggle, you're in the perfect place. I’m Dr. Marianne Miller, your go-to Eating Disorder Therapist and Binge Eating Coach, available in San Diego, California, London, UK, Austin, Texas, and online. Let’s dive into a world of balanced eating and joyful living together!
Rev Up Your Relationship with Food
🎉 Check Out the Elite Binge Eating Recovery Method!
What It Is: A 3-month online coaching extravaganza designed for professionals, students, athletes, and go-getters ready to take control of their eating habits.
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Note: This isn’t clinical therapy—just an awesome coaching experience with me, Dr. Marianne Miller!
🎉 Join the Dr. Marianne-Land Binge Eating Recovery Membership Program!
What It Is: An exclusive online membership packed with binge eating education and private virtual support via email.
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Note: This is a lively, educational program, not clinical therapy. It’s all about getting the fun and guidance you need from your binge eating coach!
How to Get Started
Sign Up: Pick your path to recovery. Dive into the Elite Binge Eating Recovery Method or Join Dr. Marianne-Land’s Membership Program and kickstart your journey today!
Start the Fun: Jump into the self-paced binge eating program and watch yourself crush those binge eating habits and reclaim control.
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Quick Disclaimers
Elite Binge Eating Recovery Method: An online education and live coaching support program, not clinical therapy. It’s an exciting coaching adventure with me, Dr. Marianne Miller.
Dr. Marianne-Land’s Membership Program: Offers binge eating education and virtual group support. It’s not a replacement for clinical therapy but a vibrant coaching journey with loads of resources.
Let’s start your fun-filled journey to a balanced, joyful relationship with food today!